Yesterday is still hanging around my neck like an albatross. The depression is dulled a bit, but the excitement is quite dead. Poor kid; I went from patting Holly's tummy all the time and talking to the little thing to completely ignoring it. I hope that will change.

There is one point I forgot to make last night, in our defense and by way of explanation of my reaction. We have been trying for months to get pregnant, and every month I would do a rough calculation to ensure that we were still ready; every calculation said it would be tight, but manageable. The funny thing about rough calculations is they are rough. Last night I did a more thorough job and found that it will be tight to the point of unreasonability. The only way to make things work is to drop health insurance, and the main reason we had it in the first place was to pay for the birth of our children; to drop the insurance means postponing our second child, possibly beyond our desires.

I like being prepared, and I'm no fool. I know you can never be fully prepared for an unknown, but unless the cost of electricity, water, car insurance, petrol, or any of the other usual utilities doesn't drop I see no choice but to ask for a raise, and when/if that's refused look for work again.